Cheeky Ravenclaw
by triniroo
Summary: A cheeky Ravenclaw 6th year unwittingly gets under Umbridge's skin with her eccentric behavior.
1. Cheeky Ravenclaw

**Cheeky Ravenclaw**

A/N: In rereading Order of the Pheonix, I was thinking about the best ways for someone to get under Prof. Umbridge's skin would be, and came up with this story. I hope you enjoy it!

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or anything, yada yada, etc etc, it all belongs to Jo; except for the main character, she's mine (yay!)

The summer holiday had been a confusing one for the eager, young girl with long, bushy red hair sitting in the shade beneath a large beech tree in her back garden with a thick book propped up on her bent knees. Being muggle-born keeps you out of the loop even with having the _Daily Prophet_ delivered by Owl Post, but nowadays it was of no use at all. At the end of her fifth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry one of her fellow pupils had been murdered by Voldemort, the most evil and powerful wizard in fourteen years. At least that was what Dumbledore had told the school. It delivered quite a shock to the peppy red-head who had been fortunate enough to have been out of viewing range when Harry Potter returned from the maze clutching the corpse of the dead Hufflepuff boy, Cedric Diggory.

Gasps and murmers filled the Great Hall at the announcement during the end of term feast, but Milo neither gasped nor flinched at the name of Voldemort and she was too shocked to murmer. However, she felt the danger that every other witch and wizard in the school felt at this moment: terror. Voldemort was back and all ready killing innocents. Harry Potter survived. He always survived, and that gave her hope. Not because Harry was a great wizard, she'd heard he wasn't too scholarly even though he had Hermione "Know-It-All" Granger as one of his best mates, but because he was an ordinary wizard to whom bad things seemed to happen; and she was a year older. If he could go into a battle unprepared and turn out okay, then she reckoned she could too. This thought kept her hopeful through the summer as she realized that the Ministry wasn't taking Harry or Dumbledore seriously and that the wizarding world would be in even more danger now, than ever, being so unprepared.

All of these thoughts were carried away with the faint breeze on the last day of summer that brought a tawny owl delivering her long-awaited textbook list from Hogwarts. Milo tore open the envelope and scanned the list quickly before running into the house waving it in the air. "Mum! Dad! My booklist is here!!" she squealed delighted.

* * *

-----------------

Milo jumped out of the carriage that had carried her classmates and herself to the front doors of the castle and ran up the stairs into the Great Hall. Taking her time, she walked across the Hall past the Slytherine, Gryffindor, and Hufflepuff house tables and chose a seat directly in the center of the Ravenclaw table on the side facing the staff. She smiled up at the teachers who were all ready seated and waved to all of them, including a new one, she wore a pretty pink hairband in her hair, and a returning substitute, Professor Grubly-Plank_. I wonder where Hagrid is. Off finding new magical creatures, I suppose_.

A short while passed before the rest of the school filled the tables and the new students were sorted. After being fed and watered, Milo gave the Headmaster her complete attention, despite a student interrupting him with a noisy clearing of their throat, who turned out not to be a student but the new teacher, Professor Umbridge. Milo looked on with interest and listened as best she could to the boring speech the woman gave. Every passing minute gave Milo a new respect for the headmaster's speeches which were always short, sweet and to the point. Milo had a short attention-span. Finally, they were ordered to go to bed and she couldn't wait to obligue with the feast resting heavily in her stomache.

* * *

Milo swung her backpack at her side as she skipped through the halls and down the many staircases toward her first lesson of the day, Defense Against the Dark Arts. She quite excited to see what the Ministry woman would have up her sleeve to teach them as she must know many useful spells to aid in a battle against evil. As usual, she took the the seat nearest the center of the room and in the front row so that she could be closest to the teacher. She'd been called an Eager Beaver from time to time, but she took it as a compliment; there was nothing wrong with being excited to learn new things.

Professor Umbridge was already at her desk, the lesson plan on the board. _Course aims: 1. Understanding the principles underlying defensive magic. 2. Learning to recognize situations in which defensive magic can legally be used. 3. Placing the use of defensive magic in a context for practical use._ Milo read it once, twice, three times, and promptly raised her hand. The professor did not bother looking up from the papers on her desk until the bell rang for class to begin, but Milo kept her hand up patiently.  
"Good morning, Class," she said as she stood, walking straight toward Milo in the middle of the room. "Good morning," a few students mumbled tiredly. Some of them were staring at Milo with questioning expressions. Those who weren't looking certainly were now, for above the others, Milo greeted the professor with a broad grin and gusto that rivaled her own in order to catch her attention. Umbridge, who seemed to be ignoring the hand, had stood directly in front of the student to Milo's left.

Used to being ignored, Milo started to jiggle her foot rhythmically, but, other than that, showed no signs of growing inpatient. "_Tut, tut," _said Professor Umbridge, "that won't do. I should like you, please, to reply 'Good morning, Professor Umbridge.' One more time, please. Good morning, class!"  
"Good morning, Professor Umbridge," the class repeated back, Milo with the same enthusiasm as before.  
"There, now, that wasn't too difficult, was it?" said Professor Umbridge, "Wands away and quills out please."  
Milo dropped her hand only long enough to wrap her hair into a bun and secure it with her wand, as one would with a decorative chopstick, and place a sunny yellow quill on her desktop before returning it to the hair.  
"Professor Umbridge, can I ask you a question?" she asked as the rest of the students settled back down.  
Umbridge glanced down at her smiling and said tersely, "No. Questions can wait until I've given the lesson."  
Milo wasn't put off by this and she carried on. "Well... it isn't really a question, more of a comment."  
"Comments can wait as well. Now," the professor said returning her attention to the class at large, "Your teaching in this subject has been rather disrupted and fragmented, hasn't it? You will be pleased to know, however, that these problems are now to be recitified. We will be following a carefully structured, theory-centered, Ministy-approved course of defensive magic this year. Copy down the following, please." She gestured to the board stating the course aims. As Umbridge made to return to her desk, Milo's hand shot back into the air, narrowly missing the professor's nose as she was considerably short.  
Umbridge couldn't ignore her this time. She glanced at the wand handle sticking out of dark red hair, then addressed Milo."You are to be writing right now. Where is your parchment, Miss..."  
"Porter, Ma'am," Milo said lowering her hand.  
"Well, please copy down the course aims, Miss Porter."  
"But you said to wait until--"  
"I give the lesson, yes. This is a precursor to the lesson, Miss Porter. I will address you when I am ready for your question." Umbridge's face was smiling but her voice was now business-like rather than the girlish pitch she normally used.  
Milo nodded and returned the smile, then pulled out a fresh sheet of parchment and began to write.

When the class was finished writing the course aims, Milo being last because of her late start, Umbridge set the class to reading the first chapter of their text book. Milo opened her book but did not read. Instead she stared fixedly on the remnants of what she supposed had been a crude poem written by Peeves the poltergeist that Umbridge had missed in her haste to erase it. Milo could make out "-_ad", "sad", _and another _"-ad_". She spent a great deal of time thinking up what it could have been what Peeves had been writing as it was more interesting than reading from her textbook for the entire hour.  
"_Heh hem."_  
Milo jerked out of her reverie and looked over at Umbridge who was staring at her from across her desk disapprovingly. "Miss Porter, you--."  
"Oh, right," she interrupted as she remembered what she meant to tell the professor. "I wanted to say earlier--"  
"Miss Porter, you are meant to be reading," Umbridge said pointedly.  
Milo's face fell. "Right, well, I can't, see that's what I was trying to tell you earlier."  
Umbridge raised a pencil-thin eyebrow. "Are you trying to tell me, Miss Porter, that you do not have the ability to _read_?"  
Milo chuckled at the misunderstanding and shook her head light-heartedly. "No of course not, I only meant--"  
"Good. Please do so. The chapter is to be finished by the end of the class."  
"But I can't, Professor, not with--"  
"I thought we had all ready established that you _can_, Miss Porter. Which is it? Can you or can't you read?"  
"I can, but, you're not letting me finish. I only mean to say--" By now, the class was too distracted by the back and forth between Professor Umbridge and Milo to concentrate on their reading; they looked on amusedly.  
"I've had enough of this. 10 points from Ravenclaw. It will be 20 if you don't start reading this minute."  
Milo looked down at her book and sighed, then looked back up at Umbridge. "But... Professor... You didn't even let me finish."  
Umbridge took a deep breath that made her chest swell like a bullfrog and let out an exasperated sigh. "Fine. What is it?"  
Milo smiled. "I only wanted to say that you missed a spot erasing the board this morning, and I can't concentrate on anything else once I notice something like that."  
Umbridge glared at Milo, then erased the entire board with a furious swipe of her wand. Looking relieved, Milo leaned against the back of her chair and began to read.

She had only finished the first paragraph of the text when the bell rang for end of class. Stuffing her book, quill and parchment into her bag, Milo heard the familiar "heh, hem" and looked up to see Umbridge standing in front of her desk.  
"Yes, Professor?" she asked with an earnest smile.  
"You are to finish your reading as homework," the professor instructed, "and you will report to me tonight at 5 o'clock sharp for detention."  
Instead of feeling disappointed or angry, Milo was elated. "Detention on my first day?" she said with awe. "That must be a record. I've gotta tell the Twins! Thanks, Professor Umbridge!"

* * *

A/N: Ok. That's chapter one down. Milo will be getting more cheeky with Umbridge as the story progresses. I'm not sure how far into the year this will go, but I've got a few good ideas for at least until Hagrid gets back.


	2. Detention with Milo

A/N: This is the chapter that I first thought about while reading OOTP. I hope you enjoy reading it, I sure did writing it.

Disclaimer: This is chapter is based on Harry's detention and I've taken liberty of using some of Jo's words because her descriptions are far better than mine. It all belongs to Jo.

Detention with Milo

At 5 o'clock on the dot Milo waltzed into the office of Dolores Umbridge with a smile on her face and a leftover biscuit from supper in her hand. Aside from the quill and parchment poking out of her robe pocket, you would have thought that she was there on a friendly visit rather than for detention. "Good evening, Professor!" she declared swinging the door closed behind her. Umbridge started at her desk and stared at Milo as if she he had forgotten why she was there. Looking around at the kitten decor, Milo's eyes widened and she walked over to a framed black and white tiger striped kitten on the wall. "Oh! I love kittens. I have one just like this at home. Her name is George," she gushed. Umbridge looked taken aback by both the fact that this student wasn't behaving as she had expected and that she had given her female cat a boy's name.  
"Nonsense. George is boy's name," Professor Umbridge stated authoritatively.  
Milo dropped her biscuit and glared defensively at the professor. "It is not. George is a unisex name, like Charlie, Tristen, Lou, Devon..."  
"Those are all _boys'_ names, Miss Porter," Umbridge insisted.  
"I suppose you think Ashley, Dana, and Kelly are strictly girls' names too then?" Milo retorted.  
"But they _are," _Umbridge started but caught a glimpse of the clock and saw that it was all ready ten minutes past five. "Miss Porter, you are deliberately wasting time. Have a seat."  
"I wasn't, I swear, Professor," Milo claimed as she made her way over to the straight-backed chair and desk awaiting her.  
"_Sit_!"  
There was all ready parchment on the desk, so she reached for the quill in her pocket, but Umbridge was faster. "Heh, hem." She placed a long, thin black quill with an unusually sharp point on the desk. "You're going to be using a rather special quill of mine."  
Milo picked up the quill and admired it, twirling it in her hands. "Oooh. It's beautiful. Thank you, Professor Umbridge." She set the quill point to the parchment to write, then remembered she didn't have ink and hadn't been told what it was she was supposed to write. This was quickly ammended.  
"I want you to write '_I must not waste time,'_" Umbridge told her tersely, trying to regain control of the situation.  
Milo looked up and nodded. "Er, Professor? Ink?" she asked hopefully. In her haste to be punctual, Milo had forgotten to bring her own bottle.  
"Oh, you won't need any ink," said Professor Umbridge with the merest suggestion of a laugh in her voice.  
Holding the tip at eye level, Milo began to examine the quill. "Is it a self-inking quill, Professor?" she inquired breathily.  
"Something of the sort, yes, Miss Porter."  
Milo set the quill to the parchment then paused. "How many times?" she asked.  
Umbridge had been halfway to her desk. She looked over her shoulder at Milo. "Pardon?"  
"How many times am I to write '_I must not waste time'?"  
_Umbridge blinked very slowly, seemingly holding back the urge to lash out. "As many times as it takes to _sink in_," she said not hiding the impatience in her voice. She didn't dare take another step until she heard the scratching of quill on parchment.

Milo smiled and began writing her lines: _I must not waste time._ She felt a stab of pain in the back of her hand and dropped the quill. Rubbing the back of her hand with the other, she stared at the glossy red ink that came from the quill. It looked remarkably like blood.  
Umbridge spoke up in the silence. "Yes, Miss Porter?"  
Milo met the professor's sinister gaze. "Oh, sorry. My hand cramped up. It must be from doing my homework during dinner." She held up her hand and flexed her fingers, the pain now gone. "All better now. Thanks for the concern." She turned picked up the quill again and returned her gaze to the parchment missing the look of utter confusion on Professor Umbridge's face.  
_I...must...not...stupid cramp...waste...time... I...must...not...waste...time... I...must...not...waste...time..._ Milo dropped the quill again and flexed her fingers again. This time, she noticed something on the back of her hand. The words she had written were etched into her hand. To her, that was pretty cool. Milo raised her hand again, the pain ebbing away.

"Professor?"  
"What is it now, Porter?" Umbridge said wearily.  
"I was wondering where you got this quill, Professor."  
Umbridge gave a satisfied smile. She thought that the quill was finally starting to get to Milo. "I had it specially made for me."  
"Well, how does it work?" Milo asked picking up the quill to examine it again.  
"Pardon?" Umbridge's voice pitched.  
"I asked, how does it work? The quill? Are there little needles inside of the quill that draw your blood? What happens if I write more than a sentence, like an essay?--"  
Umbridge's eyes boggled. "An essay? Why would you want..."  
"--Would the words go up my arm or overlap? What if I used it to draw a design? Is it permanent like a tatoo?--"  
"D-Design... T-Tattoo...?" Umbridge repeated softly. She couldn't believe her ears.  
"And how much did this cost anyway? Who did you say made it? I'd like to get one of my own to experiment--"  
Umbridge regained her senses, she had had enough of the questions. "That's enough! You're dismissed, Miss Porter."  
Milo stared at the professor in disbelief? "Dismissed? But it's only been..." She looked at the clock, it was was 5:45. "It's only been forty-five minutes. I've only written four lines."  
Umbridge looked apalled but her weariness and short-temper got the best of her. "Four lines is _enough_, Thank you, Miss Porter."  
Milo looked down at the floor and nodded. "Good night, Professor."  
"Good night, Miss Porter."  
Milo turned and slowly began to exit the office.  
"_Heh_, _hem_. The _quill_, Miss Porter."  
Disappointed at being dismissed from detention early, she had forgotten that she was still holding Umbridge's amazing, blood-sucking quill. Milo handed it back to the professor. When she reached the door, she called back to Umbridge, "Professor?"  
Umbridge didn't bother looking up from her desk. "What is it now?" she asked through gritted teeth.  
"I...well...er...I just wanted to say that I like your pink hairband. It makes you look more friendly." Blushing softly, Milo slipped out of the door and walked to Ravenclaw Tower.  
Back in the Defense office Professor Umbridge stared at the door with her mouth hanging open in confused awe.

When Milo looked up at the Staff Table the next morning, she noticed that Professor Umbridge's pink hairband had been replaced with a sinister black velvet bow. Milo smiled and waved.

* * *

A/N: Yay! So, what do you think? Not what you expected, was it? I've asked myself those questions about the quill before. It made a very amusing conversation in my head. XD


	3. Quills

**Ch.3 Quills**

Dislaimer: Everything belongs to JKR except Milo; she's mine.

* * *

Saturday was the first Hogsmeade weekend of the year something no student wanted to miss, not even the Ravenclaw's who knew the time would be envaluable to catch up on their O. and N.E.W.T homework. That was why the following Sunday saw the common room full of fifth, sixth and seventh years vigorously reading notes and textbooks, and scribbling lengthy essays set to them the previous week. Milo, however, preferred the solace of her dormitory, sitting on the windowsill wide enough to act as a bench. Perched atop with legs crossed, pillow at her back, she glanced out the window at the younger students enjoying the last of their weekend. Her sugarquill slowly dissolved in her mouth as she absentmindedly twirled the feathery end between her lips, refocusing attention to the text she was reading.

* * *

"_Eh em_."  
Milo looked up at Professor Umbridge from the nothingness she had spent the past five minutes gazing at. "Yes, Professor?"  
"Have you finished the chapter already?" Umbridge asked sickeningly sweet from her cushioned chair at the front of the room.  
"Oh," Milo looked down at the book of defense theory on her desk, then back up at the professor. "No, I was just thinking..."  
"_Well, we know how bothersome that can be_," Umbridge muttered to herself tersely. Milo was barely a yard away and was able to make out the comment quite clearly, much to her chagrin. "Please continue reading, Miss Porter. There will plenty of time to dwell on thoughts outside of the class."  
Milo bowed her head in acquiescence.

* * *

Feeling a bit peckish Milo took a stroll down to the kitchens and met Eleanor Branstone a Hufflepuff 7th year, craddling her bloody right hand poorly wrapped, in the Entrance Hall. One glance told her that Eleanor had come from a detention with Umbridge. Milo smiled in consolation. She started to lift her own hand to show that she too had fallen subject to the Black Quill but the marks faded long ago. Eleanor was already gone up the stairs, presumably to the Hospital Wing, so Milo resumed her mission entering the corridor just off the Entrance Hall. If she turned the corner she would end up at the Hufflepuff dorms but instead she walked up to the large still life portrait of fruit and tickled the pear. A doorknob appeared in her hand.

* * *

Milo raised her hand and glanced up at the clock. Thirty more minutes of class. "Professor."  
Umbridge didn't bother to look up. No other student bothered her in this class. "Yes, Miss Porter."  
"I've finished the chapter, Professor."  
One eyebrow shot up on Umbridge's forehead though her gaze remained on her desk. "Is that so? Well then, proceed to the next chapter."  
Milo bit her lip knowing she was pressing her luck. "A-actually, I was wondering if I could finish my potions essay?" she asked with fingers crossed in her lap. The other students looked up from their books in curiosity.  
Umbridge was silent for a long moment. She seemed to be thinking of how much patience it would cost her to refuse Milo's request. Then finally, "Yes, all right then."  
Shocked expressions and whispered murmers filled the room. Professor Umbridge's head shot up from the desk at the sound of the excessive noise. "_Eh em._" Silence. Every head was bowed as the students stared intensly at open pages in front of them.

Milo placed a sheet of parchment on her desk and reached into her bag for a quill. She withdrew a half-eaten sugar quill. Reaching back into her bookbag she could not find another. Hesitantly, Milo's hand crept back into the air. She swallowed. "P-professor?" She could nearly hear Professor Umbridge's teeth grinding as she stood up and walked over to Milo's desk.  
"What is it now, Miss Porter?" she asked through clenched teeth.  
"May I borrow a quill?"


	4. AN

Hey Kiddies,

I'm sorry it's been ages since I've updated. This was only meant to be a one-shot, so you were lucky you got 3 chapters. I'm working on expanding the story, so please hang in there. Milo will be innocently aggrivating more than just Umbrige in the future. See you then.

- Trinh


	5. Snape

Ravenclaw Spirit

Quidditch season always brought with it anxious and enthusiastic spirits. The houses to play the first match would be Slytherin and, much to Milo's delight, Ravenclaw. She had taken some time out of reviews to watch her house practice and was very confident in their chances to beat the most hated, if not evil, house in Hogwarts. Ravenclaw was having a beginning of Quidditch season party in their common room and Milo was on the food committee. After classes she would meet up with four of her house-mates by the Great Hall to ask the kitchen House Elves for cakes and drinks.

Much to her chagrin, many of the Ravenclaws had repeatedly asked Milo to stay out of trouble with Umbrige ("You're becoming as bad as Potter") in case she penalized the whole house. However, this neither dampened her spirits nor discouraged her as she walked into Defense Against the Dark Arts. The professor was already seated at her desk with the same little black bow in her hair and insincere smile. Milo sat in her usual seat with folded hands awaiting the lesson.

"Good morning, class." Professor Umbrige stood in the front of the class.  
"Good morning, Professor."  
"Please open your textbooks to Chapter 5. Read the chapter silently; if you finish early, you may begin the review questions which are due next class." A student raised their hand somewhere behind Milo. "Yes, Mr. Delany, you may work in pairs. _Silently_." The sound of texts opening was like a whisper that filled the room.

By the end of class, it looked as if Milo might make it out without any problems. Umbrige warned the class when it was five minutes to the bell so that the students could pack their bags. Milo thanked her partner for working with her whilst rolling up her parchment and tucking it into her bag. *Dong! Dong! Dong* Milo stood up with the rest of the class, pulling her bag's strap onto her shoulder.  
"Miss Porter," rang the professor's dreaded voice. The entire class seemed to stop and stare anxiously. "What is that on your robes?"  
Milo looked down at her robes mildly confused. "Pardon, Professor?"  
"The blue and bronze, Miss Porter. That is not dress code."  
Milo smiled. To show her Ravenclaw spirit, she had charmed the hems of her robes to match the blue and bronze stripes on her tie. Professors McGonagall and Flitwick had admired her wand work and let the violation slide. Milo told Professor Umbrige this.  
"Your other professors may encourage your delinquency, but I certainly won't, no matter how small the violation. Five points from Ravenclaw and detention with Professor Snape," Umbrige reported proudly. "I hear the two of you are old friends."

* * *

Later, Milo received a note from Professor Snape reporting that her detention would be served this evening after dinner. Milo dropped her school things off in Ravenclaw tower and changed into a pair of old robes (Snape's detentions normally involved hard, wand-less, labor) before heading to the dungeons. To her surprise, Snape met her in the entrance hall.  
"You will be serving your detention outside tonight," he informed her as the front doors opened letting in a draft. When Hagrid came through, Milo thought for a moment that she would be spending the evening doing work for him, but when she looked into his face she saw that he was surprised to see her.  
"What're yeh doin' down 'ere with Professor Snape, Milo? Not in trouble again are we?" Hagrid inquired.  
A grin spread across Snape's face so wide she thought his face might split. "Oh, yes. Detention, Hagrid, for making trouble in Umbrige's class."  
"You got ter be careful around Dolores, Milo. She's with the ministry, yeh know. It'll get worse then jus' detention if yeh keep it up."  
Milo nodded.  
"We better get on if we want to finish before it's too late," Snape pressed. Hagrid moved out the door way and said goodbye.

Milo and Snape walked to the edge of the lake and the professor shined his wand along the edge of the water. Salamanders scurried around to escape the light, some fled into the lake. "You will be catching salamanders for my seventh years to use in their potions next term. They need to be pickled for at least three months before use, so the sooner the better." He conjured a large bucket next to Milo and cast a spell over it. "Fill the bucket. They won't escape with that spell."  
"Yes, Professor," Milo said as she sat down amidst the sleek, colorful creatures. She placed her hands onto the ground palms up and waited.

It took all of Snape's will power not to yell at her for wasting his time as five minutes passed and not a single salamander was in the pail. His fists clenched and unclenched, waiting, and then a salamander slowly approached Milo's hand. With ninja reflexes, she closed her fist over the salamander and tossed it expertly into the bucket. Though he was careful not to show it, Snape was impressed, but at the rate she was going, he'd be lucky to have one for each student. The potion called for three.  
"Miss Porter, if you cannot come up with a more efficient way to collect the salamanders, you may use your wand. I do not wish to be here all night."

* * *

On the third floor, coming back from detention with Snape, Milo ran into Fred and George Weasley.  
"What are you doing out this late? It's past curfew," Milo whispered looked around her for staff.  
"We could ask you the same thing," Fred retorted.  
"Looks like you were rolling around in Hagrid's garden," George chuckled.  
"Detention with Snape. Hang on, I've got something for you." Milo reached into her robe pocket and pulled out a pair of salamanders. "I figured you could use them as test subjects or something," she said as the twins took one each with identical mischevious grins.  
"We'll think of something to do with them," they chimed.  
"What about you then?" she asked expectantly.  
"Us?" George asked looking at Milo, then Fred--who shrugged.  
"Apparently looking for you," Fred smirked.  
Milo laughed and they said their goodbyes. She still didn't know what they were up to, but she realized she wasn't much bothered as long as she didn't become a victim of whatever it was.


End file.
